Tonight I wanted to write about deprivation. It's a word I heard John MacArthur use in a sermon I was listening to recently. He was describing four portraits of the thankful redeemed (view sermon text here) from Psalm 107. In part of the sermon he described sinners as follows:
In verse 6 we find that this sinner comes to a petition. "Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble." Israel cried to the Lord in Egypt and He heard them and delivered them. Israel cried to the Lord in Babylon and He heard them and delivered them. Cyrus made a decree that sent them back to the land to rebuild their city. They told God of their famished condition. They told God of their oppression. They told God they were lost in a wilderness, in a desert and God responded. They illustrate then sinners, sinners of every age of any time, even today, who recognize their aimlessness, who come to the end of the restlessness, who realize their hunger and their thirst, who know their deprivation, who have a grip on the danger of their condition. They're wandering in the wilderness of sin from place to place, from thrill to thrill, from job to job, from marriage to marriage, relationship to relationship, from experience to experience without ever finding any soul food, without ever finding any lasting satisfaction. They're trying to find the way to an inhabited city that will satisfy them and give them security and safety but they can't. They're looking like Abraham did in Hebrews 11 verse 10 for a city whose builder and maker is God. And in the midst of their desperation they finally recognize that's who they need, that only God can provide that refuge. And so they cry out to Him as all of us did in our lostness. The whole world is a vast and barren desert, a place that is a wasteland, empty, stark and threatening and deadly. And those who are desperate enough and hungry enough and thirsty enough and lost enough finally come to the place where they cry out to God. They call to Him as the King of an eternal city in which there are limitless resources, provisions, rest, security and satisfactions.
I have often told my friends how I have this list I keep of the 37+ things that I have spent time, money or other resources investigating. Some of these things are hobbies, business opportunities, or vocations and even ministry opportunities. The fact of the matter is that the number would far exceed 37 now since that list was made some time ago.
The problem is that I feel deprived. Feelings are so dangerous. I know that the Bible says that not only am I not deprived, I am the recipient of great riches (see Ephesians 1:8, 17). And what is interesting is that I have learned to turn over some of the areas in my life that are of great impact to me like health. I do have room for improvement in my health for sure. But I also trust God with my health. I have had some health scares personally and in my immediate family. I rely on His promise in Romans 8:28. I know that there is no guarantee of a life free of pain and disappointment. The fact is that everyone dies. We have no reason to believe nor any evidence that offers that the people brought back to life, like Lazarus, didn't die again. Absent the return of Jesus Christ, I will die some day. I'm not ready for that day, but I believe that God will give me the grace to handle it when it is time. He will give me the strength to endure whatever tests and trials come my way between now and then. I think I have learned to trust Him in that area.
But "What am I to do with my time here on earth?" Now that is a question that I have not trusted Him with. Or sometimes I think He's just not interested...not in a neglectful way, but a "there are many paths you can take that would please Me" kind of way. That it is more about the character displayed on the path than it is the details of the journey. I don't just mean vocation, but also hobbies, family time, etc. Take for example the time I have during the week. I am learning to do better at planning and prioritizing it. I still have work to do on my self-discipline and following through once I have made the plan. But nonetheless, I am grateful that I have a job that permits me to be home a good deal of time. I could normally fulfill my responsibilities with a forty-hour week and a few extra hours here and there. That leaves quite a bit of time. I use some of that time for devotion time and reading and writing about spiritual matters. I try, and am devoted to continuing to learn more and do better, to be a good husband and father by demonstrating sacrificial love. Sometimes that means listening or playing games or leading in family devotions. I also have responsibilities around the house.
Even with all of that there seems to be something missing...I'm not sure if it is discontent with some facet of my life or the feeling of fear that I am missing out on some things in life. Maybe it is a lack of willpower or self-discipline...maybe I lose heart like it says in Gal. 6:9: Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. Perhaps my heart is not made for endurance; maybe I am growing weary very quickly. I'm not sure what the Bible has to say about boredom, but maybe I am spiritually lethargic and bored.
That's where I was going with the title about lust versus desire. I haven't left enough time here to examine the different contexts and Greek words from which we get our translation to lust or desire. Getting right down to it, I think that I very quickly lose sight of the desire to behold the glory of Jesus Christ which is a key to spiritual growth (cf. 2 Cor. 3:18. MacArthur calls it the master key to spiritual growth. See his sermon here.) And then I begin to be distracted by "For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world." (1 John 2:16)
I think that the place to go from here is to focus on worshipping Jesus Christ and beholding His glory. Not so that He will give me growth...I remember a Piper sermon where he says you don't love someone because of the things they give you, that's not love, it's more like manipulation. I don't want to behold the glory of Jesus Christ so He gives me spiritual growth. I want to behold the glory of Jesus Christ because it is the truth and He is worthy.
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